I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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