Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
