We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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