After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
