does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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