Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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