i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
