Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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