I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
