I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
