Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
