update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
