Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
