I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
