You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
