Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
