and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
