I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
