bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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