Define "chronic" masturbator.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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