after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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