i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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