Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
