Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
