The maid of honor just puked.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
