Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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