that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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