I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
