I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
