dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
