the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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