Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
