DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
