final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
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You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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