I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
