I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
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Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
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I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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