i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
