I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
