Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
