my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
