eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
