ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
