I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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