I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
