Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
