its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
