I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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