I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
God, I missed his penis.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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