its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
