good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
