You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
