i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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