Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
