I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
