Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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