i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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