Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
