During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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