so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
