guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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