u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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