It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
