guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
