I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just invented taco cereal.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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