somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
