he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
