is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
