Already got asked if we're dating
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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