She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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