You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
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easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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