I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize