she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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