I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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