The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
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We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
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We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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