The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
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oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
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Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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