Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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