One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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