I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
