Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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