Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
