Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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