Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
