Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
