Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize