I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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