I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
