I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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