I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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