i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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